Dave Barry Heals the Nation
In one of his last columns before going on hiatus for 2005, Dave Barry takes a stab at mending the rift between red states and blue states:
Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR- obsessed cousin-marrying roadkill-eating tobacco-juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue-state residents are godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts?
Yes. This is called “diversity,” and it is why we are such a great nation — a nation that has given the world both nuclear weapons and SpongeBob SquarePants.
And so today, I am calling upon both sides in the red-blue rift to reach out. Maybe we could have a cultural-exchange program between red and blue states. For example, a delegation from Texas could go to California and show the Californians how to do some traditional Texas thing, such as castrate a bull using only your teeth, and then the Californians could show the Texans how to rearrange their football stadiums in accordance with the principles of “feng shui” (for openers, both goalposts should be at the west end of the field). Or maybe New York and Kentucky could have a college-style “mixer,” featuring special “crossover” hors d’oeuvres such as bagels topped with squirrel parts.
I’m just thinking out loud here. (I don’t mean that figuratively: The neighbors are complaining.) But I truly believe that, if the red states and blue states made a sincere effort to get to know each other, they’d discover that, beneath their surface differences, there are a lot of deep underlying differences.
But that doesn’t mean we have nothing in common. We must always remember that, as Americans, we all have a common enemy — an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.
I made basically the same suggestion last month. He doesn’t even give me any credit, the bastard. 
Honestly, we just need to lower the voices of the extremists. Notice that I didn’t say get rid of them; just put them in their place. They all serve a purpose, really; compromise is the key to building a better nation, compromise between two extremes. But lately, the media shows us nothing but contrast, with the likes of, say, Ann Coulter getting way too much attention. It brings a lot of senseless hatred into the playing field.
I am obviously a liberal, and some might consider me to be a bit on the extremist side. However, I bet that, with some discussion, I can get the average Republican to agree that we don’t need a gay marriage ban. There are just certain right-wing causes lately that fly into the face of some of America’s core principles, namely civil rights and the Establishment Clause. With such issues, I flatly believe that the other side is wrong.
There are also some causes that I support that aren’t directly related to the Constitution or America’s principles, though I could make a case that they’re indirectly related. These are those things on which I am willing to compromise with the other side, to find some place where we can all agree. But when the other side controls every branch of the Federal Government, and has key members literally saying no compromise, it’s difficult for there to be any sort of reasonable forum for opposing ideas to collide and settle as one.
We need more Republicans like John McCain. Someone who supports “traditional values” (whatever that means
), yet sees that the fundamental truth of democracy is that compromise creates better solutions than one viewpoint alone can come up with. The way I see it, progressives are the people who push for change, while conservatives act as a sort of brake and steering wheel so that we don’t become Holland over night. See, it’s not about right or wrong, or one side against the other; it’s about two parts of a whole. It is an important interaction that has been disrupted as of late. When the brake starts acting like the engine, nothing good will come of it.
Since I live in a red state, I naturally have many friends who are conservatives. Some are hardcore Bush-supporters. Of these, we do see the stereotypical NASCAR-goers. If it’s not that, it’s just someone who comes from a somewhat priviledged background and wants to keep it that way. Then there are the conservatives who like some of the things Bush is doing, but are completely against some of the other things. These are the sensible types, the ones who voted for McCain in the 2000 Republican primaries. Some of them read The American Conservative (a conservative publication which endorsed Kerry in the election). Some of them even voted for Kerry in this election. I even met a self-described “hardcore Republican” at a new job who had played a major role in a Republican campaign for one of Kansas’s state representative seats. Obviously, I have very few liberal friends. I was born here and have lived here most of my life, but I just came out on the left.
Like I said, it’s all about two sides working as one, balancing each other out.
Now, I wouldn’t agree that the Federal Government is our common enemy. After all, without the Federal Government, we may well still have states practicing slavery or keeping certain groups of people out of the voting booths. But there’s certainly a little room for argument here.
Comment by Chris Vincent — December 13, 2004 @ 5:31 pm
[…] (sigh) I confess, I see little chance that the Red “ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin-marrying road-kill-eating tobacco-juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks” will reconcile any of their differences with the Blue “godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving leftwing Communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts” across the fruited plain or anywhere else in America. […]
Pingback by Fourthturning.com :: View topic - Social Consequences of the Coming 4T? — March 5, 2006 @ 11:49 am