8 Ways to Sunday

Memo to J-Lo: butts are out and Bibles are in

Some say it’s sacrilege, but I think it’s pretty darned funny:

I like big Bibles and I can not lie
You Christian brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with a KJV
And a book mark in Proverbs
You get stoked
Got her name engraved
So you know that girl is saved
It looks like one of those large ones
With plenty o’ space in the margins
Oh baby, I wanna read wit’cha
‘Cause your Bible’s got pictures
My minister tried to console me
But that Book you got makes (”M-m-me so holy”)
Ooh, momma-mia
You say you want koinonia
Well, bless me, bless me
And teach me about John Wesley

I saw her praying
While I was DJing
She got grace…pretty face
She ain’t goin’ down to the bad place

I’m tired of heathen guys
Sayin’ they like pocket-size
Ask the average Christian to take a look
She’s gotta pack much Book

So… Fellas (Yeah?), fellas (Yeah?)
Has your girlfriend got the Book (Oh yeah!)
Well, read it (Read it!), read it (Read it!), read that Holy Book
Baby got Book

— “Baby Got Book,” by Dan “Southpaw” Smith

There’s more to it than that: check out the full lyrics. All in all, probably the best “Baby Got Back” spoof I’ve ever heard. Definitely beats the hell out of Weird Al’s lackluster attempt. It even has a corny-funny video to go with it.

Now I appreciate this guy’s refusal to take his faith with utter stone-faced seriousness, but something about this does still strike me as slightly… disturbing. I think it’s the initial impression that there might be a guy out there with a big-Bible fetish.

(Props: Snapdragon’s Journal and The Watchtower of Destruction)