8 Ways to Sunday

the American Chocolate Bass in its natural habitat

It’s not even New Year’s Eve yet, and already the stores are stocking up on Valentine’s Day candy and cards. Holiday creep: it’s not just for Christmas anymore!

I had a nice moment of V-Day absurdity yesterday. Walking down a grocery store isle, I happened to see one of the strangest candy gifts ever: a milk chocolate bass, wrapped in silver-scaled foil and sold in a red box that declares “YOU’RE A KEEPER.” I think the tree-branch-and-flannel motif on the box is an especially nice touch, myself.

In a couple of months I’ll be feeling my usual seething hatred for this holiday, single as I always am this time of year. For now, though, I’m just enjoying the weirdness. You can buy a candy fish for your own special someone right here.

Update: This is too clever/silly not to recommend — scientist valentine cards! My favorite is Charles Darwin. “I select you. Naturally!”

The ongoing news of a massive North American pet food recall has panicked many dog and cat owners, but the news may have just gotten worse. Del Monte Foods recently added some of their pet food products to the recall list. In response to an e-mail query from The Huffington Post’s David Goldstein, a Del Monte representative confirmed that the melamine-contaminated wheat gluten to blame for the reported pet deaths is “food grade.” That means manufacturers are allowed to use it in human food products. (more…)

Blendtec is a little company that makes kitchen appliances, most notably some uncommonly powerful blenders. Faced with the question of how to market their blenders, Blendtec decided to do something… different. You’d best take a moment to steady yourself before pressing the “play” button, especially if you own an iPod. (more…)

Here’s an ingenious new way to protect your banana. Believe it or not, that isn’t a euphemism.

I’m tempted to call Paul Stremple — the Banana Bunker inventor — out for copycatting the Banana Guard people, but he does introduce some clever innovations into the field of banana protection technology. For example the Banana Bunker appears to have an accordion-like flexible design, much like a bendable drinking straw, that allows it to fit virtually any banana. The Banana Guard, on the other hand, is merely “designed to fit the vast majority of bananas.” Uh oh, looks like it’s time for Banana Guard 2.0.

Here’s to the banana protection arms race!

“Good evening, and welcome to another edition of The Half-Assed Gourmet, with your host Adam Messinger…”

A while back I picked up some Newman’s Own Light Honey Mustard dressing on a whim. I decided I didn’t like it much on salad, but it might taste okay on chicken or pork. Tonight I had a chance to put that to the test with some baked pork chops, and I’m pretty happy with the results.

To do this yourself, just lay out your chops in a pan per usual and douse them with enough dressing to get them covered. Roll them over a time or two to get both sides coated, add a bit of water to the pan, and bake. I cooked mine for about 50 minutes at 350° F; your mileage may vary depending on many chops you’re cooking, how thick they’re cut, etc.

The end result was satisfyingly tasty, but a little sweet for my taste. I may try adding some more spice to it next time. Mixing the dressing with some white wine for a marinade might be worth a shot, too.